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Habits, whether good or bad are learned and our kids learn most of their habits from us. From the moment the little bundles of joy are born, our actions begin affecting their responses.
Kids are learning more by watching what we do than listening to what we say; whether it’s the way we treat others, how we communicate, or how we act. So to ensure they’re learning good habits, be steadfast in setting a good example.
Have you ever wondered why certain routines are unwavering, while others never take hold? According to Charles Duhigg, the author of “The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business,” the field of neuroscience has identified the blueprint for creating a habit.
How A Habit Is Created
The habit blueprint consists of four components that form a loop: the cue, routine, reward, and craving. So by incorporating each part, you can teach your kids.
#1 The Cue: This is the trigger that alerts the brain to check for an existing routine and once identified, the brain is prompted to start the process. Think for a moment what your morning routine is. Do you wake up with an alarm, which prompts you to get up and enjoy a cup of coffee, go straight to the shower, or start a workout routine? Whatever your personal process is, it equates to a habit that you’ve established, good or bad.
Therefore, when teaching your child a new process, create a cue that will prompt a response. If you want her to start homework at a certain time, incorporate a cue, or a very specific event such as having a snack prior to hitting the books.
#2 The Routine: The routine is the step-by-step process that begins with the cue prompt. Keep the steps simple, to the point, establish rules that will help encourage follow through, and be consistent. Consistency is a major factor in creating a new habit and it may mean that you have to endure some inconvenience. For example, if you need to start your day earlier to help kids get acclimated to the new routine, do so.
#3 The Reward: The reward will ultimately help the routine stick by making it feel worthwhile to your kids. Set a goal, whether it is a trip to the amusement park or a new toy.
#4 The Craving: The craving is something that makes the reward so enticing that your children are motivated to go through the routine repeatedly. Initially the processes will likely work best if the rewards are artificial, such as a special trip. However, eventually the reward should be geared towards something more natural, such as extra praise and hugs from you, and the sheer satisfaction of accomplishment.
Most importantly, always keep things positive and exercise patience while guiding your kids in creating the new habit. Believe in them and offer words of encouragement along the way. In general, it takes approximately 21 days to make a new habit stick and with gentle determination, by incorporating positive habits with your kids, the chaos caused by bad habits and lack of routine will begin to disappear and your time together at home will be more enjoyable.
Thought Starters:
- Identifying Effective Cues for New Habits: Think about what cues you can establish to prompt your child to start a new habit. Reflect on the daily activities that can act as triggers, like having a snack before starting homework, and how you can consistently implement these cues.
- Designing Simple and Consistent Routines: Consider how to create simple, step-by-step routines for your child that follow the cue you’ve established. Contemplate the importance of consistency in these routines and how you might need to adjust your schedule to support your child’s habit formation.
- Choosing Appropriate Rewards: Reflect on what rewards would be meaningful and motivating for your child. Think about how these rewards can evolve over time, starting with more tangible rewards and gradually shifting to intrinsic rewards like praise and the satisfaction of accomplishment.
- Fostering Cravings for Positive Outcomes: Ponder how to cultivate a craving for the rewards associated with the new habit. Consider ways to make the reward so appealing that your child is motivated to engage in the routine repeatedly.
- Exercising Patience and Positivity: Think about the importance of maintaining a positive attitude and being patient while your child is developing new habits. Reflect on how believing in your child and offering encouragement can significantly impact the habit-building process.
Suggested Questions To Ask Your Child:
- What's something you’d like to do every day that would make you happy?
This question helps identify a potential new habit that the child would enjoy incorporating into their routine, in line with the article's emphasis on habit formation being a positive and rewarding experience.
- How do you feel about setting a specific time each day for [desired habit or activity]?
Asking about setting a specific time for a new habit relates to establishing a cue, one of the key components in habit formation as described in the article. It involves the child in the decision-making process and helps set a clear expectation.
- What would make [the new habit] really fun and rewarding for you?
This question is about determining what reward would motivate the child to stick with the new habit, following the article’s advice on using rewards to reinforce habit loops.
- Can you think of a reward you'd really look forward to after completing your routine?
Focused on the reward element of the habit loop, this question encourages the child to think about a craving that will motivate them to consistently follow through with their routine.
- What are some ways we can remember to do [habit] every day?
This question addresses the consistency aspect of establishing routines. It invites the child to think creatively about how to integrate the new habit into their daily life, ensuring regular follow-through as suggested in the article.
