Listen to the article:
Do you find yourself listening to your kids just to wait for your chance to respond? If so, adjusting that pattern now is an easy way to build a better relationship with your child. Improving your listening skills can bring you closer together. Tuning out the distractions and listening to understand our kids rather than just to insert our own witty reply is a tool that will benefit your child’s behavior in the long-run.
When our kids feel like we listen to them, they feel understood and they put their trust in us. As they get bigger and the things they face become more tricky, it’s so important to establish good listening habits as parents so they will come to us to talk it out.
Listen to what your child is telling you by improving your listening skills. Here’s how!
- Give them your undivided attention
For those moments your child wants to talk to you about something, perhaps what they did at school that day, stop what you’re doing and give them full attention. Be sure to connect with eye contact and validate the moment by telling them you want to hear what they have to say.
- Invite conversation through warmth
No one wants to be prodded with questions about what’s wrong. If something seems off with your child, make a warm statement that encourages them to offer up details. Perhaps your child was excited to go to a friend’s birthday party but suddenly seems detached. Creating an inviting environment makes it easier for them to open up to you.
- Use your time wisely
Sometimes, our kids like talking to us in those less direct moments in life, like when we’re driving them home from school or while we’re cooking in the kitchen. Be open to their dialog anytime they approach. Even these moments when we’re busy are fantastic opportunities to open the door for listening.
- Tune in without turning it up
It’s a good business skill to stay quiet and listen, and this tactic works just as efficiently on kids too. When they talk, listen. You can nod or make simple comments to show you’re listening and paying attention but don’t heap on judgement. Learn to listen so that when they’re done, you can provide wisdom in the form of guided questions that help them arrive at their own decisions.
- Don’t try to fix everything
Much as we wish we could, we can’t fix everything for our kids. It wouldn’t do any good for them anyway. We want them to be strong and empowered, not terrified in the face of troubled times. If your kid didn’t make the soccer team, marching down there to force the coach to accept them sends the wrong message. Instead, let your child know it’s ok to be disappointed and sad. Then offer to help them practice so they can try out again next season. Validate and encourage them and they will go on to do some truly extraordinary things.
One last thing: if you want your kids to be good listeners too, setting a good example is the first step toward success. Open your ears and open your heart!
Thought Starters:
- Creating Opportunities for Full Attention: Reflect on moments when your child wants to talk to you. Think about how you can consciously stop other activities to give them your undivided attention, showing them they are heard and valued.
- Fostering an Inviting Conversational Environment: Consider how you can create a warm and inviting environment that encourages your child to open up. Think about ways to make your child feel comfortable sharing their experiences and feelings with you.
- Embracing Spontaneous Conversations: Ponder the less direct moments in your day, such as driving home from school or cooking dinner, when your child might initiate a conversation. Reflect on how being open and receptive during these times can foster meaningful dialogue.
- Practicing Active Listening Skills: Contemplate how you can actively listen to your child without immediately jumping to conclusions or offering solutions. Think about ways to show you are listening, such as nodding or making simple acknowledgments, and how to guide your child with questions that help them arrive at their own decisions.
- Avoiding the Urge to Fix Everything: Reflect on situations where your instinct might be to fix a problem for your child. Consider how validating their feelings and encouraging them to face challenges can foster resilience and independence.
Suggested Questions To Ask Your Child:
- Can you tell me more about what happened at school today?
This question encourages the child to share their experiences and feelings, allowing the parent to actively listen and understand their child's day.
- Is there anything on your mind that you'd like to talk about?
This open-ended question invites the child to express their thoughts or concerns without pressure, fostering a safe space for communication.
- How do you feel about [specific situation]?
By asking about the child's emotions regarding a particular situation, the parent can gain insight into their child's feelings and provide support accordingly.
- What would you like to do about [problem or challenge]?
This question encourages the child to think critically and come up with solutions, empowering them to make decisions and problem-solve independently.
- What can I do to support you when you're feeling [emotion]?
This question demonstrates the parent's willingness to provide assistance and comfort when their child is experiencing strong emotions, reinforcing trust and connection.
