Listen to the article:
Whether you’re a parent that hopes your offspring is the most popular kid in school, or your wish is that he finds one or two true friends that blossom into lifelong friendships, almost every parent worries about their child’s social life and wants to protect them from the pain of rejection.
According to clinical psychologist Eileen Kennedy-Moore, children begin experiencing a judgmental phase around seven years of age and this stage of cognitive development can prompt a child to change feelings quickly. For instance, one day your daughter says Sally is her best friend and the very next week, she tells you she hates Sally. Before reacting to this type of scenario take time to observe and get the facts.
Take Time to Observe
If you sense an ongoing issue with your child’s friendships, spend time observing her interactions with other kids at the park, in the classroom, or on the school playground. Have a conversation with her teachers to gain more insight into the situation. Teachers are excellent liaisons and can help you differentiate between a real issue and a normal transitory response.
When talking with the teacher, find out if your child always has a friend to sit with during lunch. Even a single mutual friendship will decrease the risk of your child being bullied.
Use Teaching Moments
Shy children often have difficulty making friends, especially if there is a tendency to talk softly or look down when talking. Practice with your child and help him understand how his classmates might see his reactions. If you notice he looks down, teach him to make eye contact during conversation, or if his speech is so quiet, encourage him to turn up the volume on his speaking voice. These types of responses may come across as disinterested or rude to the other kids. Above all, encourage his strengths and natural personality, rather than trying to change who he is.
Listen to Your Child
When your child is distraught about a situation, ask him about it. Encourage him to share what transpired and ask questions that can help him understand things better. This will help enable your child and teach him to assess situations and solve problems on his own. For instance, you can ask things like: “What did you try? What else could you try? How did that work for you?
Arrange Activities
Always encourage your child to keep trying. Arrange play dates so he can spend time with kids his age. Try a variety of activities in different environments that will expose your child to organized events, brief encounters, and opportunities to intermingle with multiple children as well as relaxed one-on-one encounters.
Observe your child’s responses in the various environments. If something happens to upset your child, show empathy and encourage him not to give up.
Just like adults, some children are more at ease in certain settings than others. Social skills are developed over time and different incidents will prompt new growth and even inspire behavioral changes. As you work with your child to move past the hurt feelings and always show support and affection, he will learn, through interaction with you that positivity, communication, and thoughtfulness will nurture healthy friendships.
Thought Starters:
- Observing Your Child's Social Interactions: Consider spending time observing your child’s interactions with peers to better understand their social dynamics. Think about how their behavior in different settings like the park, classroom, or playground can provide insights into their social skills and friendships.
- Enhancing Social Skills for Shy Children: Reflect on how you can help a shy child develop key social skills. Contemplate practicing making eye contact or speaking clearly with your child, and think about how to encourage and reinforce their natural personality and strengths.
- Guiding Children Through Social Challenges: Think about ways to support your child in navigating difficult social situations. Consider how asking open-ended questions about their experiences can help them develop problem-solving skills and resilience.
- Arranging Diverse Social Activities: Ponder how arranging a variety of social activities, from play dates to group events, can expose your child to different social environments. Reflect on how these experiences can help your child practice and improve their social skills.
- Supporting and Empathizing with Your Child: Consider how to show empathy and support when your child faces social challenges or setbacks. Think about ways to encourage your child not to give up and how to guide them in learning from these experiences.
- Who did you play with today, and what did you do together?
This question helps parents gather insights into their child's social interactions and the nature of their friendships. It aligns with the article's suggestion to observe and understand the child’s social dynamics.
- How do you feel when you talk to your friends? Do you find it easy or hard to join in?
For shy children or those struggling with social skills, this question helps parents understand their child's comfort level in social interactions. It relates to the article's advice on helping children develop better social skills like making eye contact or speaking clearly.
- Can you tell me about a time at school when you felt really happy with your friends?
This question encourages the child to reflect on positive social experiences, which can provide valuable information for parents about what social settings or activities their child enjoys. This is in line with the article’s emphasis on observing and understanding the child’s social preferences.
- If you could choose, what would you like to do for a playdate?
Asking about the child's preferences for playdates or social activities allows parents to arrange suitable and enjoyable social experiences, as suggested in the article. It gives the child a sense of control and comfort in their social interactions.
- What would you do if you had a disagreement with a friend?
This question helps parents guide their child through potential social challenges and problem-solving, as mentioned in the article. It encourages the child to think about how they would handle difficult social situations, fostering resilience and social skills
