Listen to the article:
Practicing patience isn’t easy for most people, but for kids, especially little ones that don’t understand the concept of time, it can be torture. Yet, it’s a necessary skill we must help them cultivate. Most of the time though, we go about it in the wrong way.
How often have you told your child to wait just a second when you were in the middle of something? Now, how often does your child continue to clamor for whatever it is they wanted? Every 5 seconds, right?
Little ones don’t mean to be a nuisance. They just can’t tell how much time has elapsed. Their little minds are still developing and this part isn’t ready yet. That doesn’t mean you have to allow incessant pestering to take place while you try to call back a client, cook dinner without burning down the house, or have a conversation with your spouse.
Here’s what you can do to practice patience yourself, because you’ll definitely need it, and how to encourage your kids to be patient too.
Be a good role model
Kids learn the most by watching the way we interact with the world. They love us so much that they want to be just like us. So, how do you wait when you’re standing in line at the supermarket? How do you act when it’s time to leave and your kids are moving more slowly than sloths at the zoo? If you look at your behaviors during waiting times and they could use adjustment, try using humor or verbalize it as a problem to solve out loud that your kids will want to help you with (think Dora the Explorer!).
Acknowledge the frustration
So you have to go to the DMV and wait on a long line for your driver’s license. Not exactly how you want to spend your morning, but to your child, it’s agony. Expect them to express themselves and use reflective listening to acknowledge it in a calm way. “Yes, sweetie, I agree. This is certainly not fun. Why don’t we play ‘I Spy’ to pass the time? Then after it’s our turn, we can go play!” By doing this, you also teach how to cope with waiting, a lifelong skill they’ll rely on as adults.
Stretch it
This technique comes from Dr. Harvey Karp, best known for his book The Happiest Baby on the Block. And guess what? It works! When your child wants something, like their sippy cup, tell them sure! But as you start to hand it over, tell them to wait just a second. The key is to act like you’ve suddenly remembered something. Then, be true to your word and hand it over, making a big fuss about how good your child was at waiting. With each opportunity to do this, stretch the time they wait and always praise that waiting time. Your child will start to become more patient.
Try a timer
Timers are also great because there are times when we’re genuinely busy and need to finish something up. Set the timer for 2 minutes and tell your child as soon as it goes off, you’ll be there for whatever they need.
Try to remember to be patient yourself as your child learns the art of patience, and you’ll start to notice a big difference in their ability to wait!
Thought Starters:
- Reflect on Your Own Behavior in Waiting Situations: Consider how you demonstrate patience in everyday situations, like waiting in line or during delays. Think about ways you can model patience through humor or problem-solving out loud, showing your kids how to handle waiting calmly and creatively.
- Develop Strategies to Acknowledge and Cope with Waiting: Contemplate ways to acknowledge your child’s frustration during unavoidable waits, such as long lines. Think about engaging activities like games or storytelling that can make the wait more bearable for both you and your child.
- Implementing the "Stretch It" Technique: Reflect on how you can incorporate Dr. Harvey Karp’s "stretch it" technique in your daily interactions. Consider opportunities where you can ask your child to wait briefly before fulfilling their request, gradually increasing the waiting period over time while praising their patience.
- Utilizing Timers to Teach Waiting: Think about situations where setting a timer can help your child understand and visualize the concept of waiting. Ponder on how this could be used effectively when you need a few more minutes to finish a task before attending to your child’s needs.
- Encouraging Patience Through Praise and Reinforcement: Reflect on how you can positively reinforce your child’s patient behavior. Consider praising their efforts in waiting and showing appreciation for their growing ability to handle delays and frustration.
Suggested Questions To Ask Your Child:
- How do you feel when we have to wait for something, and what can we do to make it more fun?
This question aligns with the article's suggestion to acknowledge a child's frustration during waiting times. It encourages the child to express their feelings about waiting and opens a conversation about finding enjoyable activities to pass the time, thereby teaching coping mechanisms.
- Can you wait just a second while I finish this, and then I'll be right with you?
This question applies the stretch it technique mentioned in the article. It involves asking the child to wait for a brief moment, thereby practicing patience in a real-life context. The parent can gradually increase the waiting time and praise the child for their patience.
- What game would you like to play while we wait?
This question reflects the article's advice to engage the child in an activity during waiting times. It helps the child to focus on something enjoyable, making the wait less tedious and teaching them how to cope with delays.
- Do you think you can wait until this timer goes off, and then we'll do [activity] together?
This question involves using a timer, as suggested in the article, to give the child a tangible sense of waiting time. It sets a clear expectation for how long the wait will be and can help the child learn to manage their impatience.
- Did you feel proud of yourself for waiting so patiently just now?
This question is for after the child has successfully waited for something. It's based on the article's recommendation to praise the child for waiting. It encourages self-reflection and reinforces the value of patience.
