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Offering encouragement to your kids will help them gain confidence, but not all encouragement is equal. To effectively encourage your children, it should be done honestly and with sincerity. Below are the most recommended forms of encouragement.
How To Praise with Sincerity
Children are aware and can detect insincere or undeserved encouragement. Many of us have a tendency to over-praise, and do so with good intentions. But the best type of praise is subtle. For example, refrain from being a cheerleader and using phrases like “Awesome job,” or “You can do it.” Instead, a more effective approach is to provide honest feedback in a calm manner, saying things like “You came up with a very good solution,” or “See, you did it!”
Nurture Their Problem Solving Skills
As parents we sometimes want to protect them from everything, but that is not preparing them for independence. When your child is attempting to finish a task, rather than fixing it or helping them, offer your undivided attention, and allow them to do it alone. If they need assistance, provide as little direction as possible, letting them solve the problem autonomously.
Focus on the Effort
So often we focus on the outcome rather then the process. Make a point of recognizing your child’s effort and they will learn that success is relative to the effort expended.
Refrain From Comforting Frustration
Sympathizing and comforting frustration is not the encouragement your child needs. If you see your child struggling with something, watch intently and let the child know that you are right there and see how their hard work; while encouraging him to keep trying. In the end, they will experience the satisfaction of having done it alone and be excited to repeat it.
Don’t Compare
Although many of us may have been raised in an environment of being compared to classmates, our peers in sports, and even test results, don’t compare your child to others. Of course, the intent is to motivate and encourage better results, but if the outcome is never comparable to the other person, it results in discouragement rather than encouragement.
Observe What Happens
Praise and encouragement should never be used, as a control tool because the unfortunate result is kids will be taught that self-worth is contingent. Exercising patience and using every opportunity as a teaching moment will reap rewards. Never get caught up in focusing on whether or not a task is done right or carried out exactly the way you would do it. Instead, observe and appreciate what transpires. Children have the ability to think outside of the box and exercise creativity, and nurturing that is one of the best gifts you can give your child.
Thought Starters:
- Reflecting on the Quality of Praise: Consider how you can offer more sincere and specific praise to your children. Reflect on the difference between generic cheerleading phrases and feedback that acknowledges a child's specific actions or solutions.
- Supporting Independent Problem Solving: Think about opportunities where you can allow your child to complete tasks independently. Contemplate the balance between offering necessary guidance and letting them figure things out on their own to develop problem-solving skills.
- Recognizing and Valuing Effort: Reflect on how you can focus more on acknowledging your child’s effort rather than just the outcome. Think about ways to communicate that success is relative to the effort expended, and how this approach can encourage perseverance.
- Avoiding Comforting Frustration Too Quickly: Consider situations where you might need to refrain from immediately comforting your child’s frustration. Think about how allowing them to work through challenges can lead to a greater sense of accomplishment and self-reliance.
- Resisting the Urge to Compare: Reflect on the impact of comparing your child to others and how it might affect their motivation and self-esteem. Think about focusing on your child’s individual progress and achievements instead.
Suggested Questions To Ask Your Child:
- How do you feel about the solution you came up with for this problem?
This question aligns with the article’s emphasis on praising sincerely and specifically. It encourages the child to reflect on their problem-solving process, acknowledging their effort and creativity, rather than just the outcome.
- What part of this task are you finding challenging, and how do you plan to tackle it?
This question supports the article's suggestion to nurture problem-solving skills. It allows the child to articulate their thought process and demonstrates the parent’s interest in their approach to challenges, rather than immediately offering help or solutions.
- Can you tell me about a time you worked really hard on something recently?
This question focuses on the effort the child is putting into their tasks, as the article recommends. It encourages the child to value and discuss the hard work they put into their activities, regardless of the outcome.
- What did you learn from this experience, even though it was tough?
This question is based on the article's advice to work through mistakes together. It helps the child to view challenges and setbacks as learning opportunities, fostering resilience and a growth mindset.
- What’s something unique you did today that you’re proud of?
This question encourages the child to think about their unique abilities and achievements, aligning with the article's guidance to avoid comparisons with others. It promotes self-appreciation and confidence in their individual strengths.
