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Everyone appreciates being recognized for a job well done and having his or her efforts acknowledged. For kids, receiving praise helps boost self-confidence and it also acts as a fuel for motivation as they strive to accomplish and learn more. When encouraging kids, the type of praise you provide is important.
As explained in Carol Dweck’s book, people fall under one of two categories for mindset: growth mindset or fixed mindset. The growth mindset cultivates self-confidence by praising the efforts more so than the outcome or pointing out natural talents. This can serve as a strong motivator, especially for kids.
In contrast, with the fixed mindset, people view talents and abilities as something they’re born with, absent of the opportunity to improve or learn. The fixed mindset results in low self-esteem and lack of motivation.
Importance of Effort-Based Praise
When you’re encouraging your kids, praise can be a powerful motivator or it can be a discouragement. Expressing effort-based praise versus personal praise is much healthier for your child.
Here’s an example of personal praise versus effort-based praise, with the latter cultivating the growth mindset. Rather than saying “You are so smart, great job!” try “You studied hard for that exam! You stuck with it to earn that perfect score!”
Basically, making references to your child’s abilities is much less effective than acknowledging specific efforts that supported the outcome. With this approach, you’re emphasizing aspects that can be controlled depending on your child’s dedication, efforts, and motivation.
The Benefits and How To Use It
Proper praise can help children thrive, especially those with attention and learning challenges. Teaching your child the importance of pushing through and helping him understand that before achieving a goal, sometimes various strategies and multiple attempts may need to take place is a lesson that will be useful again and again.
Seek opportunities to praise your child for his approach on a task, instead of the outcome. For example, “It’s great how you tried different ways of solving that math problem until you finally came up with the correct answer.”
Your child won’t win everything in life and by focusing on efforts, he’ll learn to look past the disappointments and move on. “I know you’re disappointed you didn’t make the position of goalie this season, but I am so proud of you for all the hours that you practiced. The way you learned to block the ball is something you can teach your friends, making it even more fun to play with them.”
Whenever there’s a task that comes easy for your child with little or no effort, say something like “That is way too easy for you. Let’s try this instead, so you can learn something new.”
And for encounters that involve your child working extremely hard on something yet still struggles, you could respond: “You put lots of effort into that. I’m going to be right here beside you so we can figure it out together.”
Key Elements
For the most benefit, when you’re offering praise to your child, focus on these three key elements.
- Be Specific: Point out specifics on the efforts and processes taken, so the same behavior will be repeated.
- Praise with Sincerity: Noting the specifics also lets your child know you were paying attention, making the praise honest and sincere.
- Set Standards: Even when your child makes a mistake, focus on what he did, point out his strengths, and offer guidance to steer him in a new direction to try next time.
Avoid comparing your child to others. When you can incorporate effort-based praise that compares his or her previous efforts, then you’re also pointing out the improvements that have been made.
You can easily boost your child’s self-esteem by always being genuine, offering effort-based praise, and focusing on cultivating a growth mindset.
Thought Starters:
- Be Specific in Your Praise: Instead of saying, "You did a great job," try starting with, "I noticed how hard you worked on that project, and it really paid off." This encourages parents to acknowledge specific efforts.
- Praise with Sincerity: When praising your child, think about specific aspects of their effort that impressed you. For example, "I could tell you put a lot of thought into how you solved that problem, and I'm proud of your determination."
- Set Standards and Offer Guidance: Even when a child makes a mistake or faces challenges, parents can provide effort-based praise by focusing on what the child did right, highlighting their strengths, and offering guidance for improvement. For instance, "You may not have succeeded this time, but I saw how much effort you put in. Let's work together to figure out a new approach for next time."
- Avoid Comparisons with Others: Instead of comparing a child to others, parents can use effort-based praise that compares their current efforts to their past ones, pointing out the progress and improvements they've made. For example, "I've seen how much you've improved in your piano practice. Your dedication is paying off."
- Cultivate a Growth Mindset: Encourage children to see effort and perseverance as essential for growth and improvement. For instance, "It's great that you're willing to try new challenges. Learning and growing sometimes means putting in a lot of effort, and you're doing a fantastic job."
Suggested Questions To Ask Your Child:
- What have you been working hard on lately that you're proud of?
This question encourages the child to reflect on their recent efforts and accomplishments, allowing the parent to provide specific praise for their dedication and perseverance.
- Can you tell me about a challenge you faced and how you managed to overcome it?
By asking about challenges and solutions, this question promotes discussions about problem-solving and the importance of effort in achieving goals.
- What's something new or difficult you'd like to try, and how can I support you in your efforts?
This question encourages the child to consider new challenges and sets the stage for parents to provide guidance and encouragement, emphasizing the value of effort in personal growth.
