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Communication with your child is much more than what you speak; it also involves your tone of voice, eyes, personal space, body language and facial expressions.
Have you ever been excited about an event and while attending, you noticed the person beside of you was absolutely miserable with shoulders slumped and a frowning face, while grumbling under breath comments? Quite likely, seeing that hindered your enjoyment at least a little. Now think about a time when you did something you weren’t in the mood for. Perhaps your daughter excitedly asked you to play with her at the time you were fighting a migraine. You participated but only half-heartedly because of the horrific pain. Your daughter picked up on your disinterest by your facial expressions, voice tone, and body posture, which prompted her to end playtime quickly as she sadly walked away.
In this scenario, your non-verbal cues conveyed the truth to your child regardless if you wanted it to or not. Everyone pays attention to non-verbal communication, positive and negative and oftentimes, the non-verbal cues contradict the word messages and are “heard” more clearly.
Using Body Language for Better Communication
There are a variety of ways that body language will help improve overall communication and also strengthen the relationship with your child.
Here are some examples for conveying positive messages to your kids through body language:
- Make eye contact with your child during conversations and touch her arm or shoulder. This will send the message that she has your full attention and you truly care about what she is saying.
- Mirroring is often advised when you want to make a connection with another person and it works just as well with your child. Let him take the lead. Mirror his facial expressions, if he smiles, give him a smile back and acknowledge what is being said. This will convey your sincerity in listening to and trying to understand how he is feeling.
- Interact with your child at his or her level, making eye contact, kneeling to their level, etc.
- Be mindful of your body posture and voice tone to ensure it matches your words. This naturally communicates your mood and helps your child determine if it’s a good time to talk with you.
Some children, like some adults are sensory sensitive and don’t respond well to hugs, warm embraces, or body contact overall. For these individuals, non-verbal cues like an eye-wink, thumbs up, or hand clap gestures are perceived with warmth. Matching our body language with what we are verbalizing is essential to accurate communication and building positive relationships.
Thought Starters:
- Enhance Attention and Care Through Eye Contact: Consider making intentional eye contact with your child during conversations and gently touching their arm or shoulder. This non-verbal action can signal that you are fully engaged, attentive, and genuinely interested in what they have to say.
- Utilize Mirroring for Connection: When trying to connect with your child, think about mirroring their expressions and emotions. For example, if your child smiles, respond with a smile and acknowledge their feelings. This can convey your sincerity in understanding and listening to their emotions.
- Adjust Your Physical Presence: Be mindful of your physical presence by interacting with your child at their level. This might involve kneeling to their height or using other body language that makes you more approachable and accessible to them.
- Consistency in Body Language and Verbal Communication: Ensure that your body language and tone of voice align with your words. This consistency helps your child accurately interpret your mood and determines whether it's an appropriate time to engage in conversation.
- Adapt to Sensory Sensitivities: Recognize that some children may have sensory sensitivities and may not respond well to physical contact. In such cases, consider using non-verbal gestures like eye-winks, thumbs up, or hand claps to convey warmth and positivity while respecting their boundaries.
Suggested Questions To Ask Your Child:
- How do you feel when I make eye contact with you and listen attentively?
This question encourages the child to reflect on their emotional response to the parent's non-verbal cues, helping the parent understand the child's perception of their communication.
- Do you notice when I match your facial expressions and emotions?
By asking this question, the parent can gauge the child's awareness of mirroring and how it affects their sense of connection and understanding in the conversation.
- Do you prefer it when we talk face-to-face or when I interact with you at your level?
This question allows the child to express their preference in terms of physical presence during communication, helping the parent adapt their body language accordingly.
- Can you tell when I'm in a good mood or a bad mood based on my tone of voice and body language?
This question prompts the child to consider how accurately they can interpret the parent's mood through non-verbal cues, fostering awareness of non-verbal communication signals.
- How do you like to be shown affection or support non-verbally?
By asking this question, the parent can better understand the child's sensory preferences and boundaries regarding physical contact and non-verbal gestures, promoting a more comfortable and respectful interaction.
