Listen to the article:
Strong-willed children can feel like a handful when they’re little, but if you enact the right parenting strategies, you can foster these self-motivated kids. They’re most likely to become great leaders and seldom cow down to pressures from peers. The key is to parent them in a way that doesn’t break them down.
Maybe you’ve called them stubborn or difficult, but try to see it positively as having a spirited child. Here’s how to break through to them without breaking their amazing spirit.
- Let them experience
Strong-willed children need to experience things for learning. They’ll test your limits because this is how they learn. Step back and stay calm, giving them the chance to explore.
- Put them in the driver’s seat
Figuratively that is! Let your child handle her own responsibilities. She should be the one to get her things ready for school. Don’t bark orders at her to get ready. Instead, encourage her to oversee her own needs and she will thrive.
- Provide the luxury of choice
This trick works for small children just as well as it does for a strong-willed child of any age. By giving a choice of 2 alternatives you can live with, it makes things go more smoothly and allows her the chance to take charge.
- Stick to routines
To avoid power struggles, set routines for your strong-willed child. When they know what they’re supposed to do and when, they are much more compliant.
- Don't be pushy
Just like in physics, force creates a push right back to you. Think back to when you were young and your parents pushed you about something. Even if you knew they were right, you pushed harder to be defiant so you would win. With strong-willed kids, that power struggle is ten times stronger.
- Remember feelings are a good thing
If your child wants to do something dangerous, you don’t have to give in. Instead, encourage the healthy expression of opinions and feelings about it. So if your child wanted to go play in the snow without a jacket, you should have reasonable enforcements, but never adopt that, “I told you so,” attitude. It doesn’t do any good for either of you.
- Listen and empathize
One of the easiest things to do for parenting a strong-willed child is simply to listen. Sometimes they just need to talk it out and know someone understands them. Be encouraging and approachable to find out the “why” behind her reasoning. Part of the struggle is often a conquest to get respect and if you bring that empathy into your listening, you’re going to see much less defiance.
- Always find ways to connect
Connecting should be something you establish with all your kids, but it is particularly essential for strong-willed children. Cultivate that bond together by spending more time alone with them, learning together, or even doing a shared hobby. Their quest to be understood feels fulfilled and through connection, you will find the best way to positively influence your child and help them thrive.
Thought Starters:
- Exploring Ways to Allow Experience-Based Learning: Consider situations where you can step back and allow your strong-willed child to learn through experience. Reflect on how this approach can help them understand consequences and develop self-awareness, even if it means testing limits occasionally.
- Implementing the Luxury of Choice: Think about daily scenarios where you can offer your strong-willed child a choice between two acceptable alternatives. This strategy can help manage power struggles and give the child a sense of control and autonomy.
- Establishing and Sticking to Routines: Contemplate the importance of routines in your strong-willed child’s life. Reflect on how establishing clear expectations and consistent routines can provide structure and reduce resistance.
- Listening and Empathizing: Consider how actively listening and empathizing with your strong-willed child can create a supportive environment. Think about ways to show understanding and respect for their feelings and opinions, which can lead to more cooperative behavior.
- Finding Ways to Connect: Reflect on activities or hobbies that you and your strong-willed child can enjoy together. Think about how these shared experiences can strengthen your bond and provide opportunities for positive interactions and mutual understanding.
Suggested Questions To Ask Your Child:
- Would you prefer to do [Option A] or [Option B] right now?
This question applies the article’s suggestion of providing choices. It allows the strong-willed child to feel in control by making a decision between two parent-approved options, thereby reducing potential power struggles.
- How did you feel when you tried [specific experience or task]?
This question is related to the article’s point about letting children learn through experience. It encourages the child to reflect on their learning and understand the outcomes of their actions, fostering self-awareness and independent learning.
- What would be a fun activity we can do together this weekend?
This question aims to strengthen the parent-child connection, as recommended in the article. By planning a shared activity, it helps in building a positive relationship and understanding between the parent and the strong-willed child.
- Can you tell me more about why you feel that way?
This question is based on the article’s advice to listen and empathize. It shows the child that the parent is interested in their thoughts and feelings, fostering open communication and mutual respect.
- What are some things we can do to make our morning routine go smoothly?
This question reflects the article’s emphasis on sticking to routines. It involves the child in the process of creating or refining a routine, giving them a sense of ownership and responsibility, which is often effective with strong-willed children.