Listen to the article:
Parenting comes with its fair share of ups and downs and no matter how much patience and tolerance are exercised, at some point, you will likely get frustrated with your child. It may be during the toddler stage when she is testing her boundaries or later on when your teen forgets to do his chores because he is glued to a game on his phone. What is your reaction?
It is human nature to focus on negative aspects rather than positive ones in almost any situation. (This is a result of our ancestors’ ever-watchful eye for danger, and the fight or flight mode that we all still possess.) So, it’s not necessarily that you don’t notice positive traits, but they’re often taken for granted whereas the negative ones bother you more, so you’re more verbal and reactive to them. Again, it’s human nature and we all are guilty at some point.
Focus on the Positive
Fortunately, you can learn to respond in positive ways more often. This is done with strength-based parenting and positive reframing.
Strength-based parenting is a technique that encourages your child’s strengths before tending to what’s wrong. This method aids in building their self-esteem and boosts their natural talents and personal character. And, in regards to positive reframing, it is taking the time to view something from a fresh perspective so you can handle a situation differently from what you normally would.
Imagine a scenario in which you just painted the living room and were relieved it was complete. However, the very next day, your toddler found a brand new bold-point sharpie and decided to test out her art skills on a wall. You’d only turned around for a minute, but that was plenty of time for her to create a work of art. Your initial instinct might be to reprimand her, but in an effort to focus on the positive and turn it into a chance to encourage, you take a deep breath, stare at the wall and decide to leave the marks there and frame it.
So often, in an effort to do their very best, parents focus more on kids weaknesses and failures thinking the problem should be fixed, Yet, when the focus is redirected to the strengths, the result will instead help build your child up and oftentimes the frustrating recurrences will disappear. This parenting style is not a way of ignoring a problem, but it does show us how to encourage the positive. In relation to the framing of the artwork on the living room wall; it was not meant to encourage defacement of personal property, but creativity should always be nurtured and if the toddler had been reprimanded, she may have suppressed her desire to draw in the future.
The simple act of taking a breath, a step back and assessing the frustrating moment from a different perspective will enable you to place more focus on the positive traits of your child. Pointing out the strengths and providing opportunities to develop them will create more satisfaction for you and your child.
Thought Starters:
- Considering Strengths in Frustrating Situations: Think about a recent frustrating moment with your child. Reflect on what strengths your child might have displayed during this situation, even if they were overshadowed by the negative behavior.
- Exploring the Impact of Positive Reframing: Consider how changing your perspective in challenging parenting moments might impact not just your reaction, but also your child's behavior and self-esteem.
- Balancing Acknowledgment of Negative and Positive Behaviors: Reflect on how often you acknowledge your child’s positive behaviors in comparison to how often you address negative ones. Think about ways to create a more balanced approach.
Suggested Questions To Ask Your Child:
- What do you enjoy doing the most, and why do you think you like it so much?
This question aims to identify the child's strengths and interests, in line with the strength-based parenting approach mentioned in the article. Understanding what the child enjoys and excels at can help the parent encourage these strengths.
- Can you tell me about a time when you felt really proud of something you did?
This question encourages the child to reflect on their achievements and positive experiences. It aligns with the article's emphasis on focusing on the positive, helping the child to recognize and celebrate their strengths and successes.
- How do you feel when we work on something challenging together?
This question helps the parent understand how the child feels about facing and overcoming challenges. It's related to the article’s concept of positive reframing, where the parent can help the child see challenges as opportunities for growth and learning, rather than just frustrating obstacles.
